Family Implosions and Working at Keeping Happy

Parts of our life seem to be falling apart around us, and it is very easy to get pulled into the emotions of it all! I have been listening to some podcasts and training material and a discussion popped out at me. They were talking about Tar Babies and how easily we become stuck in a behavior or pattern that creates our own personal Tar Baby. Really struck me as I have spent hours of my day stewing about a family member's marriage literally collapsing. It puts us in that awful spot of having them mad at us if we do anything for the other or if we don't do anything at all.

Why I even talk about it is that as we put together the information from the past four years, we can see how they went from a fun, loving couple to very hurt, bitter, angry people. It really wasn't big things, it was lots and lots of little comments, attitudes, and hurts that built up until it imploded around us. At the same time I've been watching another marriage which had as much if not more stress in it from dealing with a child who has been at time critically ill as they built each other up one little comment at a time. They have taken time for each other, for them selves and for their extended family; but they never put their extended family as more important than their immediate family. They still get mad at each other, say hurtful things, and disagree; but they put together a plan so that they always had a way back. They monthly work out their budget as they work to pay off the thousands of dollars in medical bills. They celebrate little things and big things with their extended family and they are each other's close friend.

The lesson for me has been to not listen to rumors and partial truths, even if it makes me "right". Right does not make might, it usually is that step just before landing in the manure pile or mud puddle!. Taking four or five bits of information and putting them together usually ends up with a mess. It may sound like you have the right answer, but you usually don't or it is only partially correct and ends up making you look like an absolute nut case!

The biggest lesson though has been to consider the Tar Baby. Is this where I want my energy focused? On gossip, rumors, and put downs? If I am going to be stuck in a situation, I think I would prefer it to be all about being at one with God, caring for each other and lifting each others needs and love language at least at high as my own wants and desires for love.