Saying Goodbye to Who I've Been

For years I have craved attention and affection, and true to type married someone who is not the type to give much in the way of attention or affection unless you get him upset; then you get attention! As my finances collapsed around me, I realized I was doing things, buying things even overdrawing my bank account to get his attention. What a waste of resources! Today is the shift, the realization that I can plant my own garden and decorate my own soul, I don't have to wait on anyone else to give me flowers or gifts.

I thought I would totally fall apart at the thought that my marriage is falling apart, but as I really face the feelings, I am just sad. I'm sad that I spent so much time and energy trying to get from someone else what I should have been giving my self. Also sad that I let pride get in the way of resolving this a long time ago. I deserve to be happy and so does he. If he wants to stay in the marriage, that is fine. I now know that he only holds the keys to his own happiness and I have to hold the keys to mine.